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I used to have a job selling loose potatoes | till they gave me the sack | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the cell phones break up | They lost connection | Continue a dad joke: |
Please send help! My Mom needs this community! My mom (76) fainted this morning and she’s in the hospital. Things seem to be okay but they’re keeping her overnight and I told her I’d send her jokes all day. Please put your fav jokes down below and I’ll send | Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. | Continue a dad joke: |
Seems like everyone is starting the new year on a positive note | Covid is rampant | Continue a dad joke: |
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar badly. | And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar... badly. | Continue a dad joke: |
I didn't have to get her a gift for Christmas this year. | She never used last year's gift. And it was a very nice cemetery plot. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the midget psychic that is on the run after robbing a bank? | Police say she is a small medium at large. | Continue a dad joke: |
I used to work in a factory grating stale bread to make bread crumbs | It was a pretty crumby job | Continue a dad joke: |
I tried explaining to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants | But he’s still making fun of me. | Continue a dad joke: |
I gave my girlfriend an enormous hospital gown as a gift. | She said she wanted a big ward robe. | Continue a dad joke: |
I never understood T.V. remotes, until one day | It clicked | Continue a dad joke: |
Kid: Can I have $10? | Pull the bill out of your pocket and say: I have a joke about this bill… But you won’t get it | Continue a dad joke: |
Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? | Dr.Dre. | Continue a dad joke: |
There is a baby Polar Bear and a Daddy Polar Bear | One day the baby Polar Bear says "Daddy? Am i a Polar Bear?" and the daddy Polar Bear says "Yes, of course son. Of course your a Polar Bear" and the baby Polar Bear says "How do you know, for sure?" so the daddy Polar Bear says "Well, you're white, you're furry, and you're covered in ice!" | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a fly without wings? | a walk. | Continue a dad joke: |
My mate is an agonostic, dyslexic insomniac | he lays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog. | Continue a dad joke: |
According to my Doctor, my diarrhoea is hereditary | it runs in the jeans | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke | With a *sighs*mograph | Continue a dad joke: |
What is yellow and smells like blue paint | Yellow paint | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the girl say the day after giving blood? | I feel a bit drained. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the frog who parked illegally | He was toad away. | Continue a dad joke: |
What’s the cheapest meat? | Deer Balls. They’re under a buck. | Continue a dad joke: |
r/Antiwork Joke So the folks at r/antiwork finally get their way and the US government takes over all businesses. | I waited in a three day line to apply to buy a car. When I finally got to the front of the line, They said "Good news, you have been approved for a 20-year waiting list." | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a farmer dad who takes care of the chickens? | A chicken tender. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do NSFW jokes and dad jokes have in common? | They're both jokes, duh. | Continue a dad joke: |
You guys hear about that show involving water? | It was very blue. | Continue a dad joke: |
Q: Can I get gregnant? | Well, if the name of the father is Greg, you deffinetly are gregnant. | Continue a dad joke: |
Juneau…. the capitol of Alaska? | My grandpa always used to say this when I was young. I would always roll my eyes but I secretly loved it every time. He was great for these silly jokes. He’s been gone a long time now, but I hope his joke brings a smile | Continue a dad joke: |
I wonder what country is growing the fastest? | Ireland... Everyday it is Dublin | Continue a dad joke: |
Why haven't aliens tried to visit us yet | Most of our reviews are just one star. | Continue a dad joke: |
My wife says I don’t give her enough privacy | Well she didn’t say it, I read it in her diary. | Continue a dad joke: |
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half-man, half-horse, he was also a doctor of medicine | Yeah. He was the Centaur for Disease Control | Continue a dad joke: |
Today I learned that trees only drink IPAs. | Seems they really don't like lagers. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? | She gagged. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did 1 say to 7? | Aaargh, a wall shark! | Continue a dad joke: |
Pablo Escobar's 'cocaine hippos' can now be legally recognized as people | Proponents of the new law claimed the opposition was being too hippocritical... | Continue a dad joke: |
Why does the Canadian English alphabet have 52 letters? | Because it goes AA, BA, CA, DA... | Continue a dad joke: |
Yesterday, a guy hit me with a baguette!! | He went to jail for assault with a breadly weapon. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is 6 afraid of 7? | Because 7 is a six offender. | Continue a dad joke: |
Today I had something common with Daenerys Targaryen | We both got 8 inches of snow… | Continue a dad joke: |
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger | then it hit me. | Continue a dad joke: |
Where do bees go to the bathroom? | The BP station. | Continue a dad joke: |
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn’t understand why you cut it down, do you think it’s stumped? | do you think it’s stumped | Continue a dad joke: |
Don't trust atoms. | They make up everything. | Continue a dad joke: |
A magician was driving down the street | then he turned into a driveway. | Continue a dad joke: |
As I was standing in front of the mirror naked this morning, I thought.. | I’m gonna get kicked out of this IKEA | Continue a dad joke: |
I never knew my grandad. | But based on family photos, we had the same fashion sense. Clearly I inherited his jeans. | Continue a dad joke: |
The guy I hired to pave my driveway has gone missing. | Hope he resurfaces one day. | Continue a dad joke: |
Do you know what's the hardest part of learning to ride a bike? | The pavement. | Continue a dad joke: |
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. | I now have Heinzsight. | Continue a dad joke: |
If a woman says she will be ready in 5 minutes | No need to remind her every half an hour. | Continue a dad joke: |
I recently found a coin with a lot of bite marks | I wonder if it's the Bitcoin people are talking about. | Continue a dad joke: |
My WIFI password is 2444666668888888 | Just to clarify, 12345678 | Continue a dad joke: |
My girlfriend said I am terrible in bed | I said it was unfair of her to make a decision under a minute | Continue a dad joke: |
I am giving up drinking for a month | Sorry that came out wrong | Continue a dad joke: |
I was at my boss's funeral | Then I leaned in close to his coffin and whispered: Who's thinking outside the box now Gary? | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie | Sofishticated. | Continue a dad joke: |
This is why I dad-joke my kids. | I can't break free from my upbringing. | Continue a dad joke: |
How does Royal Purple exert power? | under a threat of violets. | Continue a dad joke: |
Insomnia is terrible | But on the plus side... Only three more sleeps till Christmas | Continue a dad joke: |
I am afraid of elevators | But I am taking steps to avoid them | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the skeleton say to his wife? | Im going to bone you. | Continue a dad joke: |
Somebody said my memory was terrible | I can't remember the last time someone said that to me | Continue a dad joke: |
What sound does a toilet robot make? | PEE POOP, PEE POOP. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call alcohol served in a theatre? | An opera-tif! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why can't kids watch pirate movies? | They're rated Ahrrrh | Continue a dad joke: |
I just discovered Ear Sex is a thing. | Now I have hearing aids 😔 | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the king say at the banquet honouring one of his fallen men? | This'll be a knight to remember | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you startle a one of a kind rabbit? | Unique up on it! | Continue a dad joke: |
Mario was arrested for facilitating illegal gambling | He’s been charged with aiding and a-betting | Continue a dad joke: |
A pony walks into a bar and orders a drink while coughing profusely | The bartender says “Could you repeat that?” The pony replies “sorry, I’m just a little horse.” | Continue a dad joke: |
What's the opposite of william? | Won'tiIain't. | Continue a dad joke: |
My school's valedictorian died | He passed with flying colors. | Continue a dad joke: |
My son has one daily chore. Unload and load the dishwasher by 5 o'clock so there is an empty kitchen counter for cooking. He forgets often and has to be prompted. Today at 5 my wife picks up his coffee cup from beside his computer and goes; | Nudge, nudge. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don't skeletons like scary movies | They don't have the guts | Continue a dad joke: |
What would you get if you crossed a cantaloupe with Lassie? | a melon-collie baby. | Continue a dad joke: |
Is it true that swans sing before they die | Of course! They're sure as hell not singing afterwards. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear what the boss told Ian this morning? | Because I didn't | Continue a dad joke: |
Wanna know why bees are good pet animals | Because they know how to beehive. | Continue a dad joke: |
What’s the best thing about being a test tube baby? | You get a womb with a view. | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the opposite of telekinesis? | Telekinephews. | Continue a dad joke: |
Have you heard of the happy feminist? | No... exactly. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you guys know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same? | 10+10 is Twenty, and 11+11 is Twenty Too! | Continue a dad joke: |
The wifey baked me some synonym buns! | Just like those grammar used to make. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a dog that designs houses | A barkitect. | Continue a dad joke: |
A deer, B deer, C deer, D deer,... | O deer, E deer, F deer, G deer, H deer, I deer, J deer, K deer, L deer, M deer, N deer, P deer, Q deer, R deer, S deer, T deer, U deer, V deer, W deer, X deer, Y deer and Z deer. | Continue a dad joke: |
I reviewed our Solar System on Yelp. | one star | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you know if someone was birthed via C-section? | Because they'll always leave through the window. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don’t British people pronounce T’s | Because they drank it | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a patronising criminal falling down a staircase? | A condescending con descending | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is it so hard to see Bactrians and dromedaries in the desert? | Because of their natural camelflage. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. | An impasta. | Continue a dad joke: |
What happens when a joke flies over your head? | It doesn't land. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a hotel in Czechia | The Czech Inn. | Continue a dad joke: |
You want to read 2 short jokes and a long one? | Joke. joke. jjjjjjjjjooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkeee | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the grandfather clock say to the digital clock when its battery died | Need a hand? | Continue a dad joke: |
You know that theory about no two people see colors exactly the same way.. | surely that's just a pigment of their imagination..? | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer | But he never passed the *bar exam* 😏😏🥁🥁 | Continue a dad joke: |
My daughter ask me who farted. | I said the Cosby's left a voicemail. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why's 5 afraid of 7 | Cause 7 is a 6 offender. | Continue a dad joke: |